When a child resists a request, refuses to cooperate, acts defiantly or shuts down, our immediate interpretation is often that they are choosing behaviour intentionally: that they won’t comply. We label it as defiance, oppositional behaviour, wilful disobedience. But what if that interpretation is missing something important? What if the real story is that the child can’t  comply- not yet- because something is getting in the way: anxiety, overwhelm, demand-avoidance or a skil