How Can I Help My Child with ADHD?

Support, Skills & Strategies That Actually Work

If you're reading this, you're likely worn out by reminders, meltdowns, lost shoes, forgotten homework- and you're wondering:

How can I help my child with ADHD, not just manage their behaviour?

You’re not alone. ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) affects 1 in 10 children, and yet most parents still feel overwhelmed and under-supported.

The good news? Real help doesn't come from tighter rules, stricter routines, or more punishments. It comes from understanding your child’s brain-and helping them build the skills they’re missing.

Let’s explore how.

🧠 ADHD Is a Delay in Skill Development- Not a Motivation Problem

One of the most important things to understand about ADHD is this:

It’s not a lack of will. It’s a lack of skills.

Kids with ADHD have a developmental delay in executive function—the mental skills that help us plan, manage emotions, follow instructions, and complete tasks.

According to Dr. Russell Barkley, the average child with ADHD is 30% behind their peers in executive functioning. That means your 10-year-old may be functioning more like a 7-year-old in certain areas—like impulse control, emotional regulation, and task initiation.

⚠️ Why Traditional Discipline Often Fails

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking your child won’t behave. But the truth is, many children with ADHD can’t- yet.

Punishments, sticker charts, and lectures rarely work for ADHD brains. Why?

Because they don’t teach the skills your child is missing. They simply escalate shame, fear, or defiance- and reinforce the belief that something is wrong with them.

Instead of punishment, what ADHD kids need is:

• Co-regulation

• Structure (but not rigidity)

• Skill-building opportunities

• Collaborative problem-solving

  
  

✅ What Really Helps Children with ADHD?

Let’s get practical. Here's how to help your child with ADHD at home:

1. Shift Your Lens: Kids Do Well If They Can

This is the core belief of Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model. It encourages parents to move from "How do I make them behave?" to "What’s getting in the way of them doing well?"

Behaviour is communication. Your child’s meltdowns, refusals, or inattention are clues about lagging skills- not disrespect.

2. Co-Regulate First, Problem-Solve Later

When your child is dysregulated, they can’t learn or talk it through. Calm your own nervous system first so you can help regulate theirs. Then, once calm, you can collaboratively solve the problem with them.

Example:Instead of “Why won’t you listen?”Try: “Looks like this is hard right now. Let’s figure it out together.”

3. Support Executive Function Gaps

Here are some areas where ADHD kids often need scaffolding:

Executive Skill	How to Support
Emotional Regulation	Use calming routines, validate big feelings, stay present
Task Initiation	Break tasks into chunks, use visual schedules
Working Memory	Use lists, visuals, step-by-step checklists
Flexibility	Practice transitions slowly, prep for change
Inhibition	Teach pause strategies, model waiting

Get the Executive Function Playbook

4. Use External Supports- Then Fade Slowly

ADHD brains benefit from external structure. That means timers, calendars, checklists, reminders, visuals- tools to help make the invisible visible. These aren’t crutches- they’re scaffolds for learning.

Once skills grow, supports can be gradually removed.

🧩 The Power of Collaboration Over Control

One of the biggest shifts that helps ADHD families? Problem-solving with your child instead of doing things to them.

Collaborative problem-solving helps build:

• Trust

• Communication skills

• Flexibility

• Confidence

You’re no longer fighting each other- you’re working together to solve a shared problem

This approach builds problem-solving skills, not power struggles.

❤️ Focus on Connection Over Correction

Connection is the foundation of all change.

Your child needs to know:

• You believe in their goodness.

• You see their struggles as skill-based, not character flaws.

• You’re on their team- even on hard days.

When kids feel safe, seen, and supported, they are more able to regulate, communicate, and grow.

🧠 ADHD Is Not a Parenting Failure

Read that again.

So many parents of ADHD children carry guilt, blame, and burnout. But the truth is: Your child isn’t broken. And neither are you.

What works for neurotypical kids won’t always work here- and that’s not your fault.

By learning about ADHD, adapting your approach, and building skills with your child, you are giving them exactly what they need to thrive.

🚀 Key Takeaways

• ADHD is a delay in self-regulation and executive function, not a discipline issue.

• Your child needs support and skills, not punishments and shame.

• The CPS model helps you collaboratively solve problems instead of reacting to behaviour.

• Focus on connection, co-regulation, and practical tools to build long-term growth.

Teach the Skills Behind the Struggles

📥 Want More Support?

If you’re ready to stop yelling, start connecting, and create calmer days with your ADHD child- let's chat. Book your free Proactive Parenting Breakthrough call here:

https://calendly.com/izabela-adhdpathfinder/45min