Working Memory in ADHD Kids and Teens

Why Instructions Vanish (and What You Can Do)

“I literally just told you!”

If you’re parenting an ADHD child or teen, chances are you’ve said this (or screamed it in your head) more times than you can count.

“Put on your shoes.” “Grab your bag.” “Take your bowl to the sink.”

And yet… nothing.

It’s not defiance. It’s not laziness. And it’s not because they weren’t listening (at least not always).It’s a working memory challenge - a core difficulty in many kids and teens with ADHD.

And when working memory doesn’t work well, instructions vanish before they even hit the floor.

What is working memory?

Working memory is part of your child’s executive function system - the mental skills that help us plan, prioritise, and follow through.

Specifically, working memory is the brain’s sticky note. It temporarily holds information just long enough for us to use it.

Imagine it like juggling balls:

• You hear something (ball 1),

• You need to remember it while doing something else (ball 2),

• Then act on it (ball 3).

For many neurodivergent kids - especially those with ADHD - that juggling act quickly becomes a game of “drop all the balls and stare into space.”

Signs of working memory struggles in ADHD kids and teens

Here are some common signs you might see:

✅ They forget what you just asked them to do

✅ They start one task but forget the rest (“I told you to brush your teeth, wash your face, and get dressed!”)

✅ They lose track mid-sentence or mid-task

✅ They struggle to follow multi-step directions

✅ They constantly ask, “Wait, what was I supposed to do again?”

It’s frustrating — for you and for them.

But it’s not a behaviour problem. It’s a skill gap — and one we can support.

Why working memory is often weaker in ADHD brains

Research shows that many kids and teens with ADHD have lagging executive function skills - especially working memory and emotional regulation.

That’s because the part of the brain responsible for executive functioning (the prefrontal cortex) develops more slowly in kids with ADHD. It’s not broken. Just on its own timeline.

So when you give your child three instructions, they might only hold onto one - if any.

And if there’s distraction, emotional stress, or sensory overload? Even that one instruction can vanish before it hits the ground.

“But they can remember Minecraft facts or YouTube videos!”

You’re not imagining it - kids with ADHD can have incredible memories for things they’re interested in. That’s not working memory. That’s long-term memory plus dopamine.

Working memory relies on:

• Attention

• Motivation

• Context

• Emotional regulation

  
  

When all those pieces are in place (like during a favourite game), working memory works better. But throw in a boring task, an emotional wobble, or a time crunch - and poof - instructions disappear.

So what can we do? 7 ADHD-friendly tips for supporting working memory

These strategies aren’t about “fixing” your child - they’re about adapting your expectations, reducing demands, and scaffolding success.

1. Give one instruction at a time

Break tasks into single steps. Once the first is done, give the next. Think: “shoes first,” not “get your bag, shoes, and coat.”

2. Use visual supports

Sticky notes, checklists, picture schedules, or whiteboards are lifesavers. Visuals don’t vanish.

3. Ask them to repeat it back

Before walking away, say: “Tell me what you’re going to do first.” This helps anchor the instruction.

4. Turn instructions into cues

Instead of repeating, “Go brush your teeth!” try: “I notice your toothbrush is waiting.” “What’s next after your snack?”

Declarative language supports memory without pressure.

5. Make routines rhythm-based

When expectations stay consistent and predictable, they become easier to remember. You can even anchor them to music or movement.

6. Reduce distractions

If possible, pause background noise, limit multitasking, and make sure you have their attention before giving instructions.

7. Plan collaboratively

If something’s always hard to remember, get curious together. “Getting out the door feels tricky most mornings. Let’s figure out a way to make it easier.”

What not to do (even though it's tempting)

🚫 Don’t say: “I just told you!”

🚫 Don’t assume it’s attention-seeking or lazy

🚫 Don’t punish the forgetfulness — it won’t build the skill

Instead, think: How can I reduce the load on their working memory so they can succeed?

Because when we adapt the environment and offer the right support, kids remember more — and we fight less.

Final thoughts: It’s not about trying harder. It’s about supporting smarter.

Your ADHD child isn’t broken. They’re not doing it to you.They’re doing the best they can with the skills they’ve got.

Working memory struggles are real. But with small changes, patience, and collaborative problem-solving, you can reduce the forgetfulness (and the yelling) and create smoother, calmer days - for everyone.

And the good news? These strategies work just as well with younger kids too.