How the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) Approach Can Help PDA Children Meet Demands

Introduction to the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions for PDA

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a complex profile on the autism spectrum characterised by extreme avoidance of everyday demands, driven by high anxiety and an intense need for autonomy. Parents and educators often find themselves walking on eggshells, unsure of how to support a child who resists even the simplest requests. Traditional parenting and teaching strategies often backfire with PDA children, escalating avoidance behaviours instead of resolving them.

Enter the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model developed by Dr. Ross Greene. Grounded in the philosophy that "kids do well if they can," CPS offers a compassionate, structured, and proactive way to support PDA children in meeting demands without increasing anxiety or triggering meltdowns.

In this article, we’ll explore how the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions for PDA children can help them meet everyday demands, improve flexibility, and build critical problem-solving skills—all while fostering stronger relationships at home and at school.

Understanding PDA and Why Demands Trigger Avoidance

Children with PDA experience everyday demands—like brushing teeth, doing homework, or following school routines—as overwhelming and threatening. This isn’t defiance for the sake of rebellion. It’s an anxiety-driven response rooted in a nervous system reaction to perceived threats and a strong need to maintain a sense of autonomy.

Common features of PDA include:

• Resisting and avoiding ordinary demands

• Using social strategies to avoid compliance (distraction, negotiation)

• Experiencing high levels of anxiety

• Having a need for autonomy

• Exhibiting sudden mood changes and explosive behavior

Because demands feel like threats, PDA children often go into fight-or-flight mode, reacting with aggression, panic, or complete shutdown. This can lead to frequent meltdowns, school refusal, and relationship strain.

Why Traditional Approaches Often Fail with PDA

Many parents and teachers try traditional behavioral strategies such as reward charts, time-outs, or consequences. While these may work for some children, they often escalate avoidance behaviors in PDA kids.

Why?

Because these approaches:

• Increase perceived pressure

• Rely on compliance

• Do not address underlying anxiety or skill deficits

• Reinforce power struggles

As a result, the child becomes even more avoidant, and adults feel increasingly helpless.

What Is the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) Model?

The CPS model shifts the paradigm from "how do I make this child comply?" to "why is this demand hard for them, and how can we solve it together?"

Developed by Dr. Ross Greene, CPS is based on the belief that challenging behavior occurs when expectations outstrip a child’s skills. It focuses on building skills like flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem-solving through a collaborative process.

Key Principles of CPS:

1. Kids do well if they can

2. Behaviour is a signal of unmet needs or lagging skills

3. Solving problems proactively prevents crises

4. Collaboration builds skills and trust

   
   
   
   

How CPS Helps PDA Children Meet Demands

1. Reducing Anxiety by Eliminating Surprises

PDA children often react to demands with panic because they feel trapped. CPS introduces the concept of proactive problem-solving. Instead of addressing behavior in the moment (when emotions are high), CPS encourages adults to talk through struggles during calm periods.

By eliminating surprises and involving the child in the plan, you reduce anxiety and increase predictability.

Example: Instead of saying, "You need to get ready for school now," you might say, "I noticed it’s been hard getting out the door in the morning. Can we talk about what’s making that tricky and come up with a plan together?"

2. Giving the Child a Sense of Autonomy

Autonomy is a central issue for PDA children. CPS allows the child to voice their concerns and participate in finding solutions. This satisfies their need for autonomy in a safe and structured way.

Why this works: When children help co-create solutions, they don’t experience the outcome as a demand being forced on them.

Example: If a child refuses to brush their teeth, a CPS approach might lead to a compromise like choosing between two types of toothpaste or brushing while listening to a favourite song.

3. Building Trust and Connection

CPS is rooted in empathy. The first step in the process is understanding the child’s perspective. This builds emotional safety and trust.

Why this matters: PDA children often feel misunderstood. When adults take time to listen without judgment, the child feels seen, heard, and more willing to engage.

Pro Tip: Use declarative language like "I noticed brushing teeth is really tricky for you" instead of questions like "Why won’t you brush your teeth?"

4. Practicing Flexibility in a Safe Way

Rigidity is common in PDA profiles. CPS helps children practice flexibility gradually by working on one unsolved problem at a time and brainstorming multiple solutions.

Example: A child who refuses to wear school uniform might agree to wear comfortable clothes in school colours. Over time, they might be willing to wear the full uniform occasionally.

5. Teaching Problem-Solving Skills

Rather than using external motivators, CPS builds internal skills. Over time, children learn how to:

• Express concerns

• Listen to others’ perspectives

• Generate mutually acceptable solutions

These are lifelong skills that help them manage future challenges with less avoidance.

Real-Life Example: CPS with a PDA Teen

Jacob, age 14, refused to attend school. Attempts to use consequences failed. His parents used CPS to explore what was going on. During a calm moment, they learned Jacob was overwhelmed by noise in the hallway and feared being singled out in class. The family brought this to the school and worked out a new routine: Jacob could enter through a side door and sit in a quieter area. He returned to school with fewer outbursts and more confidence.

Final Thoughts

Helping PDA children meet everyday demands doesn’t have to mean more meltdowns, power struggles, or stress. The Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model provides a roadmap for reducing anxiety, restoring trust, and building the flexible thinking skills these children need to thrive.

By shifting from punishment to partnership, CPS transforms demand avoidance from a crisis into an opportunity for connection, growth, and long-term success.